Tears In Heaven
by RandomSelection
Summary: What if Buffy and Faith had died in the Final Battle? Buffy would be sent to Heaven, of course, but what about Faith? And what will Buffy do when she finds out? Read and find out! B/F, NOT a songfic!
1. Chapter 1

This story shows an alternative ending of _Chosen_ – and it's not a song-fic! I hope you like it, please review!

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Tears In Heaven

White. Brightness all around, visible even to closed eyes. _What the hell …_

"That's not decided yet."

Faith jerked her eyes open when she heard the unfamiliar voice. For some seconds, she couldn't see anything, then slowly the light faded and she could make out a figure standing before her, a tall woman with light brown hair, clothed in white.

"Where … where am I?" she asked confused, her voice shaking a little. "Where's B?"

"You are in the _limbo_, Faith", the woman answered calmly. "And Buffy is not here – don't worry, she's all right", she added when the dark-haired girl tensed visibly.

"The _limbo_? What the hell's that?"

A slight frown appeared on the woman's face. "The _limbo_ is where the souls have to remain until their fate is decided."

_The souls?_ Faith swallowed, suddenly her mouth was dry. "The …" Her voice was croaky, so she cleared her throat and tried again: "The … souls? Does that mean I'm … dead?"

"I'm afraid it does." The woman looked at her, her expression showed understanding and compassion. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Faith tried to remember, but … her memory was strangely vague, blurred images that mingled and whirled ... A frown appeared on her forehead as she concentrated harder, tried to force her memory to come back, and then something happened: Slowly first, then quick and quicker the vision cleared, everything seemed to glide back in place, and suddenly she remembered …

"The Final Battle! The cave was breaking down 'round us, but B wouldn't leave Spike, an' I couldn't leave her, right? So everyone else was out, and I kept yellin' at her to move her ass, but she didn't … an' then she did, an' it was the last moment, everything was collapsin' all round … " She let out a gasp. "We made it to the basement, but ran into five Ueber-Vamps lurkin' there … B had the scythe, but she was injured … one of the monsters knocked her down … she threw the scythe to me … I wanted to help her, to save her, but … three of them were on me … I know I dusted one of the bastards, but … but …"

Her voice faded. Tears were rolling down her face. "I failed her …" She whispered. "She counted on me and I failed her … again …"

"It's not your fault, Faith. You did your best. Nobody can expect any more from you."

"Bullshit!" Faith growled, suddenly angry. "I was there, I should've saved her, an' I didn't! That's all that counts! She's dead because of me! 'My best' wasn't good enough, as usual …"

"But you died trying to save her."

"WHO CARES?" She was yelling now. "Who fuckin' cares if I died trying? My death's worth a shit if I didn't _do_ it, if I didn't save her!" Stuck by a sudden thought, she looked around. "Where is she? Why's she not here? If she's dead, _why's she not here_?" A glimmer of hope was lit in dark eyes. "Or … or didn't she …"

But the woman shook her head. "I told you, Faith: Only those souls come here those judgment is uncertain and whose fate has not yet been decided. That does not include the soul of Buffy Summers."

For the first time since she'd found herself at this strange place, Faith smiled, for the first time she felt happy, and even the burden of her failure and guilt seemed to be lightened a little. "So she's in Heaven?"

"Where else would she be? Champion of the People … She has saved the world so many times, she has sacrificed herself to save it, and now she has died defeating the First Evil … Where else would she be but in Heaven?"

Faith's smile brightened … then slowly faded, being replaced by an expression of sadness, pain and resignation. "I'm never gonna see her again, then …" She sighed heavily. "At least she's where she belongs … an' I'll be where I belong, too …"

"What do you mean?"

The Dark Slayer looked at the woman incuriously. "She's in _Heaven_!" she said, like it explained everything. "There's no way I'm gonna be permitted there!" Quietly, more to herself, she added: "I don't belong there."

But the woman just shook her head again. "Do you ever listen? I told you that your fate is not yet decided. At the moment, you're standing at the crossroads, in a manner of speaking: One way leading to Heaven, one to Hell – but the decision is not yours … not any more."

Faith hung her head. She would give everything to change the things she'd done, to take them back … she'd tried so hard to set things right, to make up for what she'd done, to gain redemption …

"We know that." The Dark Slayer looked up in surprise. The women's eyes showed warmth. "We saw what you did, Faith – all of it, that's what makes the decision so difficult: There's the killing of Alan Finch, the betrayal of your friends, the murder of Professor Lester Worth, the attempt to kill Angel, your support of Richard Wilkins, there's the body-switch and all the pain you caused … It's a long list, Faith, and a heavy burden. – Yet, you saw the error of your ways, you took responsibility for your deeds, you did seek redemption, and you tried to help the people you had hurt … You turned yourself into jail, you broke out to stop Angelus, you came to Buffy's aid when she needed you, you fought with her and helped to defeat the First Evil and save the world … without you, she would not have been able to do it."

Faith didn't dare to look up. She already knew the decision. Maybe she'd done some good, but not only had she take lives, she'd murdered in cold blood … no way a murderer would be allowed in Heaven. _I don't deserve to be in Heaven! _"How long …" she whispered.

When no answer came, she did look up. The tall woman's face was an expression of concentration, apparently she was listening to something Faith couldn't hear. "What's goin' on?"

For some seconds, the woman didn't answer. Then she looked at Faith and smiled. "It seems that _someone_ disagrees with you on what you deserve …" She made a gesture an some part of the foggy-white surrounding became transparent, like a window to nothing. Then, before Faith could even ask, the face of Buffy Summers appeared there like on a screen, and at the same moment her voice was to be heard:

"What do you mean she's not here?! Where else would she be?"

The picture zoomed out and a woman in white clothing was to be seen, looking identical to the one standing before Faith. But the Dark Slayer had no time to ask, for the woman on the 'screen' answered: "I told you that her fate has not yet been decided. She's in the _limbo_, awaiting her decision."

"What decision?"

"Whether she will be sent to Heaven or to Hell."

"TO HELL?" Buffy's shock and horror were evident. "You can't send her to Hell!"

"She has murdered innocent people."

"And she regrets it! She has done whatever she could to redeem herself. I thought you guys were all about redemption!"

The woman next to Faith actually smirked at that, while her twin on the 'screen' chose to ignore Buffy's words. Instead she asked: "Why do you care?"

The blond Slayer stared at her. "What? You want to condemn Faith to Hell and you ask me why I care?"

"Exactly. After what she did to you …" Faith closed her eyes. _I'll never be able to make that right … I'll never … _Her eyes, however, jerked open again when she heard Buffy's answer.

"Aren't you supposed to be omniscient or something? How can you be so dense? I forgave Faith a long time ago. What she did was terrible, but it wasn't her fault alone, I also am responsible for what happened, for the way things went down."

"How could you be responsible? You didn't kill Alan Finch …"

"But I was there!" Buffy almost yelled, obviously forgetting where she was and who she was talking to. "I was there, I practically threw him into Faith's stake! I'm just as responsible as she is, and if she's guilty, I'm too!"

Faith couldn't believe her ears. _Did she really just say she was … _But she didn't have time to finish that thought, because the woman spoke again: "But you realized he was human."

"A split of a second before Faith, that's all. If that's enough to condemn somebody …"

"It's not just that, and you know it. She betrayed you, she turned evil, fought against you, tried to kill Angel … and you're not responsible for that!"

"Am I not?" Buffy snorted. "If I had been a better friend, if I hadn't been too wrapped up in my own problems to really notice Faith, things might have been different, Faith might never have changed sides!"

The dark-haired girl was sad, confused and happy all at once: Sad, because Buffy had just confirmed what she'd feared the whole time … _She never really noticed me back then …_ confused and happy because the blond girl seemed to be willing to take some of the responsibility for what happened, she wasn't putting all the blame on her. _But how can she? She didn't make me turn to the Mayor, she didn't make me kill the professor, and try to kill Angel … that were my choices, I'm the one to blame!_

"So that's the reason why you argue for her?" the woman on the 'screen' said. "You're feeling guilty because you let her down? And now you're pitying …"

"I'm NOT pitying Faith!" Buffy growled, interrupting her. "Faith doesn't _need_ my pity, Faith doesn't _want_ my pity – and I don't _have_ any pity for Faith! She's too strong for that, has worked too hard on herself, and we have been through too much together … there's _no_ pity involved here!"

Faith stared at the 'screen'. "Wow, B", she whispered, almost in awe. "Ya sure got that one right!"

"All right then, no pity. But guilt is not enough, either. If you're just doing this to ease your own burden …"

"Will you shut up already?!" Faith's eyes grew large when she heard Buffy yell at the woman – who, after all, was an angel or something. Worried, she looked at her own companion, but the woman only smiled, apparently genuinely amused.

"I feel guilty about what happened between us, and about the role I played in all of it", Buffy admitted, more calmly. "I wasn't the friend I should have been, the friend Faith deserved … and I couldn't give her what she needed …what she wanted from me …" She fell silent for a moment, while Faith's mind was racing. _Can she possibly mean … no, no way she … but it sounds like …_

"I feel guilty", the blond woman repeated, "but that's not the reason I care."

"Then what is?" The woman's voice was gentle. "Why are you fighting so hard for her? Why can't you stand the thought …"

"Because she doesn't deserve it!" Buffy snapped. "She doesn't …"

The woman just looked at her, waiting.

"Because … because … I need her …" The word were only whispered, but Faith could hear them clearly. She stared at the 'screen', open mouthed, and a faint spark of hope glimmered in her eyes, in her heart. _She … she needs me? Buffy … me? But … why, how …_

"Why? Why do you need her?"

"Because …" All the energy and defiance seemed to have left Buffy, suddenly she looked very desperate and vulnerable. "Because I … I never told her …" Tears were rolling down her cheeks now. "All the time I never told her … but I _have_ to tell her, she _has_ to know …"

"Know what?"

"That I love her."

Faith just … she felt like her heart was exploding, was bursting through her chest, growing wings and flying … flying … flying to find B, so that at least it could be were it belonged. She couldn't think, she … she realized she was crying … _She loves me! She really loves me! Buffy, she … _And suddenly, there was another thought: _Even if they send me to Hell, my heart will always be with her … a part of me will always be in Heaven!_ And for the first time in her life, Faith Lehaine knew the feeling of peace.

"I love her." That was on the 'screen' again, and although Buffy's picture was blurred through her tears, Faith knew that her Slayer-sister was no longer crying, no longer vulnerable, for the strength was back in her voice, the power – and an overwhelming gentleness and love that made her shiver.

"You want to know why you can't condemn Faith to Hell? Why I won't let you? I'm telling you why: If you do that, I'm gonna find a way, I'm gonna tear down the Gates of Hell, and I _am_ gonna bring her back were she belongs! Back here with me! Because Heaven can't be Heaven for me without Faith."

Buffy stood before the white-clothed woman, staring at her with the fire of challenge in her eyes, but the woman only smiled. "I know", she said simply. "I've always known. _You_ had to realize – and _she_ had to hear."

Suddenly, the 'screen' was blank, and then it was gone. Faith turned her head, but the woman was gone, too … and there stood Buffy. And then she was in her arms, and they were kissing and crying and laughing all at once and whispering to each other … until everything went white again, and Faith felt herself rising, or falling, she couldn't tell, and _Where's B?_ and then there was light, bright and warm …

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That's mysterious, isn't it? Well, there's more to come – I wonder if you can guess what will happen next … Tell me your guesses, if you like to; in other words: Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

When Faith became aware of her surroundings again, bright light was blinding her even trough closed lids. _What the hell ... _She half expected to be answered again, but when the silence remained, she carefully opened her eyes and tried to look around.

White walls ... bright lamps on a high ceiling ... a table and two chairs ... herself lying in a bed ... Then realization hit her: It was a hospital-room, which meant ... she was still alive!

The disappointment, the pain and desperation simply overwhelmed her. _It was a dream! Everything ... just a fuckin' dream, an illusion, nothin' real, an' B doesn't ... _A sob escaped her, then another, and another ... she had no strength left to fight back the tears ... _Why can't it be real? Why can't ... God, I wish it was real, I wish B ..._

„Faith! Faith, you're awake!"

The voice – _B's voice!_ – startled her, she jerked her eyes open and tried to sit up ... but strong hands gently pushed her back down. „Shh. It's all right, Faith, I'm here. I got you ... it's all right ..." And then she felt B close to her, and she threw her arms around her, not caring about the physical pain it caused her, and clung onto her and cried into her shoulder ... She didn't know the reason of her tears: Happiness, because B was still alive, or sadness, because it all had been a dream, and she didn't care, it didn't matter just now. All that mattered was that B was holding her, gently stroking her hair and whispering into her ear. „It's all right, Faithy ... we're all right ... we made it ... shh, it's all right ..."

***

After a long time, Faith's sobs slowly subsided. Slightly embarrassed, she tried to move a little to put some space between herself and B – only to realize that the other girl didn't seem willing to loosen her embrace. So, although rather reluctantly, she looked up – and her gaze was met by the most beautiful green eyes she had ever known. Buffy was half-sitting on her bed, one arm around Faith, holding her close, the other hand gently caressing her brown curls, she just smiled down at her – it was enough to take her breath away.

"Hey", the blonde said quietly.

"Hey." Faith's voice was hoarse from crying. She cleared her throat. "Hey."

Buffy smile widened. She removed her arm to allow the younger girl to lie back down. Faith felt a prang of pain when she watched the other girl move away from her, then get up from her bedside – and she stared at her open-mouthed when Buffy lifted the blanket and slipped under it, next to her. "Do you think you could … move a little, Faithy?" she asked, still smiling. "It's a little chilly outside just wearing these crappy hospital pj's."

Still dumbfounded, Faith did what she was asked … only there wasn't that much space to move, for an average hospital bed is rather narrow and certainly not designed for two people – which meant that B was lying _really_ close to her: Their knees were touching, their faces mere inches apart … and now, when the blond girl was finished pulling the blanked back over both of them, her right arm somehow had ended up draped over the other girl's hip.

Faith was so dazed by their sudden closeness she hardly registered Buffy talking to her. "Huh?"

The older slayer chuckled. "Still a little sleepy, are we? How are you feeling, Faith?"

"I'm five …" She fell silent when she saw the look of hurt on the other girl's face. "A little confused …" she admitted. _An' you lying that close to me doesn't really help … _She drew a deep breath. "B … what happened?"

"What do you remember?"

This time, Faith didn't have to force her memory to come back. "The cave was crashin' down … Spike was shooting light-beams all 'round … We made it to the school-basement, but ran into some Ueber-Vamps, and …" She hesitated and closed her eyes, feeling tears prickle in them again. "You went down", she whispered hoarsely. "You threw the Scythe to me, but … I don't know … I don't remember …"

She felt her tears gently being wiped away. "You saved me, Faithy", she heard B whisper, her voice heavy with emotion. "I … I don't know how you did it, but you saved me! I was unconscious, but … Giles told me and Dawn and everybody …" When she didn't continue, Faith opened her eyes again and saw that B was crying, too. "You …" Her voice trembled. "They couldn't wait any longer, the school and everything around was breaking down … they were about to bail when you … you carried me in your arms … you made it to the bus and … broke down …" Now her tears were running freely. "You saved me, Faith …" she sobbed. "God, thank you …"

And then she was hugging Faith and crying into her shoulder, and Faith was hugging her back and holding her, just like Buffy had done for her before, and she knew that this was closest to Heaven she would ever get – and it was close enough, it was much, much more than she'd ever dared to hope for. And now she knew that she was crying happy tears … _I saved her … I really did it! B may not love me, but she's alive an' maybe we can be friends again … She's alive, an' _I_ saved her … _The dark-haired girl realized that she was smiling despite her tears. _Seems 'my best' was good enough after all!_

"Of course it was." It took some seconds for Faith to realize that she must have said the last words aloud. B was wiping her eyes with her sleeve and looking at her intensely. "Of course it was!" she repeated. "It was always 'good enough' for me … and more that just that, much, much more – just like you, Faith!" The younger girl tried to look away, but Buffy cupped her face with her hand and gently forced her to meet her gaze.

"Faith, look at me! You've changed so much … you've worked so hard to … make up for what you did, to redeem yourself … you're a completely different person than you were before …" She thought for a second. "No, you're the person now you would have been if things hadn't gone so badly wrong – you're the person you're _meant_ to be, doing what you're meant to do: Fighting by my side, one of the Chosen Two!"

Buffy smiled at her, and it was a smile unlike any other Faith had ever seen before, so much warmer, deeper, full of …Her heart was beating strangely irregular all of a sudden, and she barely heard B continue: "You saved my life, Faith – _no way_ I'd ever let them send you to Hell!"

***

It took some seconds for Faith to realize _what_ B had just said …then she jumped in surprise, and only Buffy's arm around her waist prevented her from falling out of bed. "Whoa, easy there, Faithy! Wait with the stunt-show until you've recovered!"

"What … how …" The dark-haired girl stammered. "How do ya know 'bout that?"

Buffy looked at her, clearly puzzled. "What do you mean, how? I was there, remember? Of course I know about it!"

"But … but …" Faith didn't know what to think, her mind was one big mess of confusion. "But … wasn't that …it was just a dream, right? I mean … we haven't died, have we? Nothin' of it was real?"

"It was a dream – a Slayer-dream, I assume", the blond girl answered. "And no, we're not dead; thanks to you we're very much alive …" She smiled again, a content little smile, looking directly in Faith's deep brown eyes. "Nothing of it was _real_ – that doesn't mean that it wasn't _true_, though …"

Again the younger girl needed some seconds to process the meaning of her words. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide and she tried to look anywhere but at Buffy – which was not an easy task, their faces being so close to each other's. "You … B, you … What are you …saying?" Faith's voice trembled, she couldn't believe … _Is it really … can it be? Can she mean what I think she …_

"I'm saying", Buffy said slowly, catching Faith's gaze again an holding it, "that I meant every word I said. I … I really thought I had died and was being back in Heaven, and they wanted to send you to Hell, and … I knew I couldn't let it happen! Not after … I'd just found you again! It would have been so unfair, after all we went through, after all the things you did to make up for … you know … and redeem yourself, and …"

"B …" Faith whispered, and Buffy stopped babbling at once. The dark-haired girl showed a slightly dazed expression. "You …" Her voice was trembling, the mixture of hope and fear made it rather difficult at the moment to form words. "You really meant it when you said …" She didn't dare to actually voice it. _What if I'm wrong? Misreadin' the signs? If she doesn't mean … what I think, hope, pray she does? What …_

"Said? That I'd tear down the Gates of Hell to come and get you? Oh, yes I did – you can count on that! I defeated a hell-god before, after all, and the First Evil … can't be much harder than that, right?" The blonde girl brought her mouth very close to Faith's ear, the tone of her voice, her breath on her skin sent shivers down the younger girl's whole body. "Or do you mean when I said that Heaven couldn't be Heaven for me without you? That I love you?" Now Buffy's tender lips were brushing Faith's earlobe – the Dark Slayer couldn't help but moan at the slight touch. "It's true, Faith … both of it … all of it. I love you, and I'm not gonna let go of you ever again …" Suddenly, Buffy's voice sounded a little hesitant, unsure even. "That is, if you … if you want me …"

Faith opened her eyes – _When did I close them?_ – and found Buffy looking at her. She could see her uncertainty, but much more clearly she could see the love shining in the depths of her wonderful green eyes, so bright, so deep and strong …"Buffy", she said quietly, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, "stop talkin' an' kiss me already, will ya?"

The adorable blonde's face lit up in one of her gorgeous smiles, and then Faith felt Buffy's lips on hers, soft and sweet and passionate all at once, and when she started kissing her back and pulling her even closer, the Dark Slayer knew that everything was all right now. _For some people_, she thought … and it was the last thought she had for a long time, because now Buffy was running her tongue over her lower lip, and Faith eagerly met her with her own, causing both girls to moan with pleasure … _for some people, Heaven isn't a place – it's a person!_

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**All's well that ends well, isn't it? Please review!**


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